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30 Day Challenge Day 4&5
5 Sep 2024 13:31I want to do this challenge but I want to follow the dates on the calendar, so. I will start with days 4 and 5!
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Bad News Boys!!!
18 Feb 2024 11:06So the situation at work boiled over and we clashed with a coworker. However, we talked it out and shook hands. He apologized to me and said any bad mood wasn't targeted at me personally. On Friday we were able to do gigs together just the two of us without issue.
I'm still really hurt though. I'm afraid of going to work a little bit, because I feel like I can't trust my own judgement on if things generally go well or not (not about relationships, just general work progress, level of hurry etc). My coworker has a habit of stressing out about everything at and about work a lot while I quite frankly do not give a shit after I have clocked out. Meanwhile he stays up at night thinking about work. I think he is overworked, burnt out, and should take a sick leave, but I know even if I said that he wouldn't do it because he's "bored" if not working and so worried over us not being able to get everything done in time. Meanwhile, my way of thinking is that we do our best and if we're not able to do everything, it's the fault of the bosses for giving us too much stuff with too little staff.
Well anyways. On Friday, driving alone at work, I thought, man. I could just hit the gas pedal and drive into the ditch. Or the wrong lane. I could just fucking let go of the wheel. But then I thought I'd be stuck in a pile of snow in someone else's car and that wouldn't really help with anything. However, it's the most concrete such thoughts have ever been in my head. So I called my contact at the hospital and everything, we were going to meet next Tuesday anyways so is the case now. And I asked if I could be put in the open psych ward (you are allowed to come and go as you wish). I don't really want to do anything at home but maybe sleep. Unfortunately, my body doesn't let me sleep 40 hours straight and so, I am cursed to be awake.
I just thought like really I don't wanna live. I will because of my girl, I love her so much. But I hate it here. The difficulty level of life is way too high for me. And I am a stupid, millenial gen z brain fried ruined youth who can't fit into the pace of this society. No wonder I'm vibing with the emo aesthetic now, lmao.
Well, I went to Red Cross thing again and ate good food and drank tea. Yesterday I went to a market in the market square, and I bought fried vendace (yum), heather honey (I wanna try) as well as some emo looking suspenders. I was there with a male friend, and unfortunately the stupid man selling the suspenders was asking us "when we get married" and telling "a romance might awaken" between us. I think my girlfriend might have a disagreement on that. And also the fact that I am a lesbian. Sorry for having male friends ;__;
But yeah, more good food, puzzle building and then I watched the horror movie Sauna (2008) with a friend and. I know she likes animated comedies so I thought, she might like Hazbin Hotel... So I showed her a few episodes and yes, she does like it! She said "I did not expect that series to be that good". So we are planning on continuing to watch it today. :]
I'm still really hurt though. I'm afraid of going to work a little bit, because I feel like I can't trust my own judgement on if things generally go well or not (not about relationships, just general work progress, level of hurry etc). My coworker has a habit of stressing out about everything at and about work a lot while I quite frankly do not give a shit after I have clocked out. Meanwhile he stays up at night thinking about work. I think he is overworked, burnt out, and should take a sick leave, but I know even if I said that he wouldn't do it because he's "bored" if not working and so worried over us not being able to get everything done in time. Meanwhile, my way of thinking is that we do our best and if we're not able to do everything, it's the fault of the bosses for giving us too much stuff with too little staff.
Well anyways. On Friday, driving alone at work, I thought, man. I could just hit the gas pedal and drive into the ditch. Or the wrong lane. I could just fucking let go of the wheel. But then I thought I'd be stuck in a pile of snow in someone else's car and that wouldn't really help with anything. However, it's the most concrete such thoughts have ever been in my head. So I called my contact at the hospital and everything, we were going to meet next Tuesday anyways so is the case now. And I asked if I could be put in the open psych ward (you are allowed to come and go as you wish). I don't really want to do anything at home but maybe sleep. Unfortunately, my body doesn't let me sleep 40 hours straight and so, I am cursed to be awake.
I just thought like really I don't wanna live. I will because of my girl, I love her so much. But I hate it here. The difficulty level of life is way too high for me. And I am a stupid, millenial gen z brain fried ruined youth who can't fit into the pace of this society. No wonder I'm vibing with the emo aesthetic now, lmao.
Well, I went to Red Cross thing again and ate good food and drank tea. Yesterday I went to a market in the market square, and I bought fried vendace (yum), heather honey (I wanna try) as well as some emo looking suspenders. I was there with a male friend, and unfortunately the stupid man selling the suspenders was asking us "when we get married" and telling "a romance might awaken" between us. I think my girlfriend might have a disagreement on that. And also the fact that I am a lesbian. Sorry for having male friends ;__;
But yeah, more good food, puzzle building and then I watched the horror movie Sauna (2008) with a friend and. I know she likes animated comedies so I thought, she might like Hazbin Hotel... So I showed her a few episodes and yes, she does like it! She said "I did not expect that series to be that good". So we are planning on continuing to watch it today. :]
